kitchen Angst!

I had a lot more written but something happened and it got erased, so today I want to finish my outlook on the “lone wolf” aspect of my life.

I was talking about my inability to function in the “non-working” part of my life and how I am more comfortable at work… so I want to explain more.

I live for work! I  feel complete if I do something productive with my day. However, I love days without a care in the world as well! I love being social, and really enjoy having others around me, I just have to know them VERY well. This is why my “social time” is almost all done while working. I create very strong bonds with my co-workers, and consider them more like family! This is why I really hated missing bowling night!

Now, I am working on being more open to stepping outside the proverbial “box”  and “expanding my horizons”, “Living my life to the fullest” and all the other cliche’s I can’t think of right now!!

My life is great, I just wish this recession would end so I can start making some money again! I find it hard to work on my S.A.D. when I’m too broke to go out and put my theories to the test! As I have said in the past I really hate the idea of using drugs to control my social disorder, I feel they only make it worse! If you can’t deal with people sober, you can’t deal with anything. In my opinion, Hiding behind drugs is worse than staying in your room!

I don’t want to give you the wrong Impression, I love my life, and have great friends… I just need to re-learn the art of social behavior among strangers. That to me is the only way… I never want to revert to taking drugs… not for this anyway!!

Well I’ve been told that I need to write more about cooking. That my post’s that combine my past with my love of food are the best, so I am working on some for you. I hope to have some great ones for you soon!

If you have any questions or Ideas don’t be afraid to conctact me and I’ll do my best to write about it!!

James

Most of the people that know me would describe me as a funny, outspoken, and outgoing guy, However, they already know me. People that don’t, won’t see that side of me ( until I know them ). I am a reserved man by most’s standards, I have to be very comfortable with you to just hang out and cut loose. Going out and enjoying the company of other is difficult for me, even when I know them well!

My S.A.D. doesn’t allow me to “just meet up and be sociable”. Going out for coffee, Bowling, or even catching a movie is sometimes overwhelming to me.  I should be bowling with my coworkers right now as a matter of fact, instead I am writing this entry in my blog. I have many good excuses for not going… I have to be at work early tomorrow, not having a car makes getting “to and fro” difficult, I had a long, hard day today. See everyone will understand my being absent, I have several outs! The truth of it though is that I more enjoy sitting here writing, than taking the bus to the bowling ally, and trying to enjoy myself with my friends, when all I want is to be alone. Large groups honestly freak me out most of the time. I always feel I need to talk to everyone and spend time with each person individually. I can’t just enjoy the moment, It’s all or nothing with me, sit with one friend or be a social butterfly, and spend very little time with any one person. I almost always just opt out all together.

I want to explore this more, but I just lost half of this post due to some strange computer bull–t! I hit save and the last two paragraphs disappeared! I’m tired and pissed so I’ll pick up from here tomorrow!

James