kitchen Angst!

I want to explore the reason We, as Chefs are a single bunch! I feel I have a good outlook on this subject. I am a chef and single! I have been in relationships that ( looked as though) would go the the distance, but never have. I feel this is because of the never ending need for me to put my kitchen, or staff first. It is hard for me to put anything, or anyone ( other than my job) first in my life. When I do, It is all I do. I think I become too smothering, I focus on the relationship, instead of the love that brought it to be. I focus on keeping it running smoothly ( like my kitchen ), instead of keeping it alive. I can’t focus on the passion, only the the details! This KILLS all the the spontaneity. I have only myself to blame. I want nothing more than “to be in love, and share a life with someone”. I don’t ever see It happening for me though. One, I am a very independent spirit. Also I am too demanding! I am very loyal and demanding at the same time, I am Honest to a fault, I cannot lie. I expect the same from my partner. This is ( in my experience ) to much to ask! I am a “Great friend” but not a “good lover”this makes me sad! I have come close, but never reached that point where someone else has loved me as much as I loved them! I don’t think I will ever get to that point, but I will always dream!!!!

My last beau told me ( as He was breaking my heart)  that I was a “good man”… even though I knew He meant well, this was a devastating blow!! Your a good man Charlie Brown rang through my ears, and in my head!! He just called me Charlie Brown! The one that got the ball pulled away at the last moment! Never found true love! And always ended up alone, with even His dog feeling bad for Him! When would it be my turn to find the bliss others have found? Or at least the relationship that someone else is willing to work on as much as I am? When will I become Linus, not Charlie!?

I have struggled with this for some time now. I love fully! I need to be loved fully! I want Prince Charming to ride up and whisk me away to never never land! I need romance! I need to feel as loved, as I love! I need to know that My love is matched!

I understand that this may be asking too much, But I can’t be the best man again, I need to be THE MAN! I can’t settle for I might, or I will.

I need… I Do! 

A good man… I know I am!

I need to be THE MAN!

I don’t care where you are, I will move anywhere for this love!! Even to Croatia! All I ask is that you love me, as much I love you!!

James