kitchen Angst!

Well let me first say I started by cheating… I actually started my quest on Thursday, October 30th. I woke that day with only two cigarettes left in my pack and decided I wouldn’t by a pack that day to see how it would go. I only had those two, and one more I bummed off my roommate later that evening for a total of three all day!

Friday: I ended up having 4 all day, again not bad but not quite quitting!

Saturday: again with 4 being my final count for the day, not bad seeing how I wasn’t supposed to even start until Monday!

Sunday: Work was extremely busy so I added an extra smoke on my lunch break, bringing the total to 5 for the day.

Monday: The official first day of my quest… I gave in and continued my major cutting down, and not my cold turkey approach. 5 was my tally at the end of the day!

Tuesday: Election day, I didn’t have to wait in line to vote, but I did stay up to watch the results come in so I ended up smoking 6 for the day. Do you see a pattern here?

Wednesday: I was off and so I was able to only have 4 once again. I found It’s not the nicotine that I have a problem with It’s the physical act of smoking that I find hard to give up!

Thursday: I only smoked 2 all day today, with no problem, I was busy doing things, not on the computer which is my most vulnerable time, I don’t know how to type so I get very frustrated when I have to write my blog, therefor finding it harder to refrain from smoking.

Friday: Again I have managed to eliminate a few of my standard smoking times from my routine, bringing my number down to 3 for the day. Hard candy, and straws are helping, as well as gum, even though I hate chewing gum, or straws for that matter!

Saturday: I have once again limited myself to 4 today so I feel I have made great progress. I don’t get the cravings for nicotine, and smoking now doesn’t even taste good, but as I said I don’t think I am ready to cut it out of my life for good yet! That will probably change soon enough with a little more time. One can wish anyway!

Well as you can see my week was not bad for cutting way back, but not at all close to quitting!

With all this in mind I think for now at least I’m changing my goal! I have no family to live longer for, or loved one who would rather I didn’t smoke, and all my friends here in LA. smoke, so instead of isolating myself from my only friends and living longer alone, I think I will continue on this path and become a social smoker! This next week I am going to stop smoking in the house so that I have to go outside every time I want to indulge! This will eliminate the foul odor in my clothes and make it less likely to smoke as much at home! I know I will stop eventually but to stop now all together just seems like a bad idea! I haven’t seen any of my friends and I am very lonely. Two packs a week isn’t that bad, and I can deal with that better than cutting my friends out of my life any more than I already have.

I am sorry if I let any of you down with my lack of progress, but I have to do what is right for me and my house. I still haven’t had a drink, and I don’t plan to until the holidays when my family is in town. We will be having too much fun to not partake in some frosty adult beverages together!

Thank you all again for your support and kind words of encouragement. I will be giving another follow up next Sunday, who knows things just might change again! I will never go back to smoking a pack a day, but I just might decide to quit all together after all, we’ll have to see what tomorrow brings!

James