kitchen Angst!

This month I want to explore all those annoying sayings We hear all the time, when someone doesn’t know what else too say! Absence makes the heart grow fonder!, It’s better to have loved and lost , than never to have loved at all!, or What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger! Etc. Etc. Etc.

Blah, Blah, Blah! thats what I think of most of these. However this month I want to find the truths in some of these one-liners, and discover what I can be thankful for through them. So lets get started with the last one I mentioned.

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger:

At first glance this is a great thought! If I make it through this horrible time in my life, I will emerge a better, stronger person! Bullshit! Just getting through something difficult, or painful, normally leaves us bitter, jaded, suspicious, weary, or gun shy at best. None of these are attributes of a strong person, It turns you into damaged goods with too much baggage. However, if you take some time and really explore what happened, stare it down, confront it head on, and deal with it, then you come out the other side a better, stronger person. It’s how you deal with the event, not just living through it, that make all the difference!

My personal example:

About three months ago my world suddenly stopped spinning, and shot me like a rocket into a black hole of despair. I had no warning, no time to prepare, not even time to pack an overnight bag! I was gone in the blink of an eye, left to float in the vast darkness, alone with my hundreds of unanswered questions to hound me. Taunted by the knowledge that I would never get the answers I needed, That I deserved. I died that day…

About three days later I came too, only to realize the extent of my injuries. I was a mess, and as the numbness began to wear off and the pain became real, I wished I had remained dead. I couldn’t see how I would ever survive the suffering I was going through. If I had a gun it would have been over. Instead I just slowly started licking my wounds, breathing deep, and taking a step back and circling the event, I looked at it for hours at a time, all day and night, searching for the answers I so desperately needed to heal. I looked at it from above, below, and every other angle possible, at least twice! I made theories, proved them wrong, so I made more, and more until I got to the point where I knew somewhere in my thoughts, I had figured it out, found the answer. Even though I didn’t know which answer it was, By this time, I didn’t care anymore! I was done! I was too tired to continue beating myself up for something I couldn’t change, allowing myself to die just because I couldn’t answer a stupid question. I don’t care what happened anymore, or why, It’s over, It’s time to move on!

Then I saw It… a small flickering light… the other side of this black hole that had consumed me, I had made it, I was going to survive. The light grew stronger day by day and I slowly came back to the living, breathing person I once was. The pain is still there, the scars have just started to form, but I am alive and happy. I am different now, but I’m not bitter. I took the time and embraced my pain, stared it down, studied it and learned from it. I may not have gotten the answers I wanted and probably never will, but I am stronger now! Suspicious, weary, gun shy, YES, But bitter, or Jaded HELL NO!

This is what I mean!

We have to do the work for these one-liners to be true, Just living through something isn’t enough, you have to heal yourself, and learn something positive from it to make it true!

Don’t be afraid to step back and take a good hard look at your situation, and yourself! and be ready to fix any problems you find no matter how painful!

I am thankful I had the strength to not only live through my pain, but also the wisdom to study it, learn from it, and grow!

Some people find scars to be sexy, but no one likes a festering, open wound!

Heal Yourself, Become Stronger!

James

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