kitchen Angst!

My best friend Derek suggested I write on this today way back in September, when my blog was about Peter Greenaway’s, “The Cook, the Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover”. Well after giving it much thought and consideration, I think I came up with a good alternative to just walking through the final scene and describing the technique one would have to use to cook a full grown man.
Lets go to a Bar-B-Que!

If you have ever been to one of those three day festivals you know where I going, If not allow me to explain…

The people who enter these competitions are very serious about there machines, and they are machines, this ain’t your back yard hibachi.

Some of them are pulled ( no joke ) behind a big rig! I’ve seen some that could fit four whole hogs in them snout to tail!

Just take a look at some of these “small ones” designed for one hog only!
Thats all we would need to get our job done right? a full grown hog is what #450-#600, a full grown avarage man is I don’t know #180-#200, Plenty of room to stretch out!

You can rent these type of grills for your party, you don’t have to by one for a one shot deal!

Now the preparation for a human would be about the same as a hog, I assume. The carcass would have to be eviscerated, washed and dried, or “field dressed” as I described in my Sara Palin post back in September.

The cooking techniques would also be very similar, with some minor alterations I think we could whip ourselves some mighty tasty Bob, or Joe, I guess ?

I think the main difference would be the cooking time! A hog is much fatter, and thicker, therefor needing a longer time in the grill! The Human, on the other hand is thinner and also leaner, so not only less time is needed, but a lower temperature would be required as well! As long as we follow the same basic steps, we should be able to be successful! Just something to think about tonight while your out on the Boulevard fighting through the huge crowd of drunks, in costumes!

Both of these photographs were taken by Barbara Lazaroff, Wolfgang Puck’s Wife at the time!

Well, It’s time to close the crypt for 12 more months, and get back among the living and good!

I have enjoyed the Halloween even more than in the past, and I owe that to you! Sharing it with you made it even more special!

Thanks,

See Ya Tomorrow,

I’ve got to get my beauty sleep!

James

Lets go to Ireland, and have us some Pig Haggis!

This is a dish most of you have heard of , but never tried. Don’t worry, I too fall into this category, I would however try it if it were fixed for me by a true Irishman, or woman! Other than the main or most distinct ingredient, Haggis really does sound delicious! Drape anything in bacon and I’m at the table! Mashed potatoes are another one of those foods I could eat myself to death on as well! Count me in on the Haggis is all I’m saying! Lets get to it then…

Pig Haggis:

Stuff a well-cleaned pig’s stomach with a mixture of mashed potatoes,chopped onions, sage, salt, and pepper.

Stew it up, drape it with fatty bacon, and roast it at 350 degrees F for at least 2 to 3 hours with frequent basting.

Serve the Haggis with applesauce and a pork gravy!

Hell, I would gladly overlook the whole stomach thing to have a giant bacon wrapped ball of sage-mashed potatoes, with pork gravy, and applesauce, wouldn’t you?

See this is what I mean when I talk about keeping an open mind when it comes to food. If we expand our horizons just a little, break down the walls we ourselves constructed around us. We just might find that we like the world we live in a little more! I know I have!

James

who’s up for some tasty…

Con-de-com, from Vietnam. Sounds good, at least it rhymes, but what is it you ask? well, It just happens to be a condiment containing peanuts, and crickets fried in lard! Talk about protein, and fat ouch!

First you have to prepare the crickets in the basic “locust” fashion:

First remove the wings, and small legs, and the distal portion of the hind legs.

Then pull off the head, withdrawing any attached viscera.

Most species of locusts and grasshoppers contain 46 to 50 percent protein, as compared to 14.7 percent for T-bone steak. WOW!

Now for the Con-de-com ( Fried Mole Cricket ) :

Wash the crickets well. Mix with shelled peanuts and fry in lard.

Now that was easy enough and I bet you money if you tried this at your next party no one would even question it and just eat it up, until you came clean with them. Then, I have a sneaking suspicion, You would have some cleaning to do, and the party would be over! So you have two options as I see it

A: You could do it and just keep your mouth shut!

or

B: Just don’t risk it and stick with regular trail mix!

Well, October is almost over, I hope you have enjoyed as much as I have. I don’t know how I can just go back to discussing normal food again. I will try though, I think we’ve all had enough Unmentionable Cuisine for one year.

James

Mr. Derek John Aidan Handley, is turning a year older today! I want to wish Him all the best on this day and dedicate my blog to Him. It is because of Derek I even have this outlet. He started His first blog “Rolling Traveler” on On July 21, 2008, and Retro Review went on line September 1, 2008. Derek suggested I start one myself shortly there after, so I did.

He is an English teacher, and is certified to teach “creative Writing” on a collage level! I on the other hand, am a chef, Who got his GED instead of following through with high school. Only to attend New England Culinary Institute, back in 1990-92.
It was the confidence Derek Had in me, and my “story telling abilities”, that led me to start this venture! I was scared ( I can’t type, or spell ) but through his faith, I have grown. I have now come to love love it , even though I am still no English major or writer. He has supported me through the entire process ( I will always be in His debt ) . Even to the point of proofreading them ( in the beginning ) and sending e-mails with the corrections needed.

Derek, I love you, and wish You all the happiness in the world!
You have enriched my my life in a way I can never repay! You are an amazing person, Everyone who comes in contact with You, says the same thing… “He is special”! You are a special man! I will always be honored and proud to call You My friend!

I’m thinking of you, and wish you All the Best, on this Special day!

I can’t tell you how much you mean to me!!!

Thank You for everything!

Now this ones for you, bud.

I wish I were there to cook you…

Apfelphannkuchen: for breakfast!!!!!

I’m so sorry I tried all week to embed one of these videos without success, as you can see! It worked for me before, I don’t know what I did differently?

Always,

Your Friend

James Edward Lockwood

Yesterday was apples, well today will be all about corn! Popcorn of course, I found a website about a year or so ago that I just fell in love with it. It’s called cook. com and it is something. I went looking for recipes for popcorn balls last year and found more than I could ever want, or make in a lifetime.

I love popcorn balls, I prefer them to the apples we discussed yesterday. I just love popcorn no matter how it comes! At the movies ( which I rarely go see ) , or just at home with a movie, my favorite TV program, or a good book. It doesn’t matter, I love to pop up some fresh popcorn and sit back and enjoy! Now back too our balls! uh oops? I meant popcorn balls! Like I said earlier cooks.com is the bomb, and here is why! See what I mean? Yes, They have 520 recipes for popcorn balls! I don’t think I need to give you another link or even say much else, for that matter. cooks has got your balls covered for me. Now don’t get overwhelmed… Just take your time and browse a few that catch your eye. Go in with an idea of what you want in your balls and search for those specific ingredients. Or just spend a lazy afternoon at the office reading them all!

The basic popcorn ball, is quit simple:

You need something that will melt or start semi-liguid, and harden too bind the popcorn together.

honey? caramel? chocolate? jello? Gummie Bears?

Then you need anything else you want to add to your balls,

nuts? dried fruit? chocolate? Gummie Bears?

And yes popcorn!

See this is easy and fun.

Create your own, by using your favorite snacks. And send it in to cooks.com, who knows your might just be #521

Tomorrow I’m taking a little break from the goodies to post a very special entry.

Please come by and enjoy It with me!

Again,

Happy Halloween,

James

Now there are as many recipes for caramel apples as there are people making them. I have found that every person, has their favorite way to not only make them, but also finish them as well. So instead of giving you just one , I thought I would share some great sites I have found that have a wide range of techniques and styles, and let you pick the one that best fits your own needs and flavors. The first site I go to is All recipes.com. This one has my personal favorite “the Hot Caramel apple”. be sure you look at it. It uses red hots to spice things up a bit, YUM. It may not be traditional, or on a stick, but boy is it good! You will notice you have 7 recipes to choose from on this one page, that is why I made such a bold statement with my first sentence.

This next one is all about simplicity! I think it will appeal to the masses who really don’t have the time or patience for “a big project”. The procedure does work though, I have used it myself when I just wanted to make a few apples ( not for resale ). It’s from foodbuzz, chew on that, a food blog I enjoy. As you can see it doesn’t have to take all day, and the results still looks as though it did!

The last site I want to share with you is technique I used for a very special event I catered once, boy were they a HIT! It comes from Chow.com, and I love them this is now how I try to think of all my caramel apples now! You will see it involves a little more work, but man is it worth it. When you see your friends faces, once they reach the middle, You will see the love!

Now I know all of you caramel apple lovers out there have your own special way of doing this, so if you want to share it with the rest of uf please leave it in a comment!

Until tomorrow, when I want to pop up some corn!

Happy Halloween,

James

OK, who out there remembers the days when you could get real, homemade candy for Halloween? You know brownies, fudge, caramel apples, and popcorn balls! I do and I miss it now. I remember when the candy bars were full size, those were of course my favorite! Now every thing is bite size and store bought! What fun is that? I want to be the guy on my block that hands out “the good stuff” like homemade fudge! Nowadays that will surely get you labeled as a freak, or child hater! ever since some assholes starting putting razor blades in the apples, and needles in the goodies, You just can’t make your own treats anymore. Talk about “bad apples”, That is no trick, It’s just cruel. Over the next few days I want to discuss some of these oldies but goodies, and show you just how easy most of them are to make at home.

For now though I just want to leave you too ponder… What was your favorite treat to receive growing up? Drop me a comment, maybe I’ll even add too my list of recipes for this week! We may not be able to give them out to the masses anymore, but we still have them for our special friends, and parties! I think I will begin with caramel apples tomorrow if there are no objections. I will change that if I receive requests for other ideas.

Like Mozart… I’ll play it by ear!,

or Van Gogh… I’ll just cut it off, and send it to you!

Happy Halloween every one!

James

So yesterday I touched on pumpkin soup, and a bit on pie. Today I thought I would go a little deeper into pie, and have some fun as well! When I lived in Minneapolis, Mn. I worked at a restaurant where every year We would buy 60+ giant pumpkins and put them all over the place! It was great, they are really impressive, but not good to cook with. It’s best to stick with the pie pumpkins, or at least the smaller regular pumpkins when you are looking to use them in the kitchen! Here is another fun site I just have to share with you. Check out these Jack-O-Lanterns this is art!

Ok lets tackle that pie!

Now I do want to state that canned pumpkin is just fine to use, It takes out several steps and saves you time. I want to also say that store bought crust will do the same!

This makes one pie:

2 cups canned pumpkin

3/4 cup packed brown sugar

3 tablespoons molasses

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

1/4 teaspoon ground ginger

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/8 teaspoon ground cloves

1 1/3 cups heavy cream

3 tablespoons bourbon

3 large eggs

Preheat your oven to 425 degrees,

Whisk all of the ingredients together accept the eggs in a medium sauce pan and on low heat bring it up to a boil, stirring every so often. Once boiling remove from the heat and whisk in the eggs one at a time. Pour the mix into your preheated pie shell and slide it in the oven. Bake it for 10 minutes, and lower the temperature to 350 degrees . rotate the pie at this point to insure even baking, cook for 10 -15 more minutes checking it after 8 minutes, and every minute after that! It should still jiggle a bit in the center when it’s done. You don’t want a dry cracked pie! pull it out and let it cool for at least 1 hour before serving!

Enjoy,

James

Well it is October, and We are carving Jack-o-lanterns for our front lawns. What do you do with the Pulp? I was asked this question by a friend of mine and I didn’t have an answer right away. The pulp of a pumpkin is useless, but the seeds on the other hand!!! Toast them, and put them out with the other treats you have at your party. I love toasted Pumpkin seeds and they are free! As We all know once you carve a pumpkin, It is useless for making a pie, You need the meat of the whole thing to make a pie, not just the eye holes! Pie pumpkins are small and designed for just that use, making pie. They tend to be grown to produce just enough meat for one pie, and are only good for carving if you wish a vary small Jack-o-lantern. I used to carve one for my car and put it on my dashboard!

But lets get to the soup now!

I have found in making soup you need to start with a good foundation, What do you want the end result to be? Do you want a savory, or sweet soup? Hot, or cold? Do you want it to be a vegetarian soup, or not! I normally go with a vegetarian base for all my soups. Not because I am one, but they seem to appeal to a wider audience.

If you are starting with a fresh pumpkin you want to roast it first! this is not a “necessary” thing but it will bring out more of the natural sweet flavor of the meat! It will also make it more deep in flavor. You can start with boiling the meat but this adds liquid that you need to remove before you make your pie, Soup on the other hand is fine, the added liquid is a bonus!

When you are making soup out of any squash you want to first decide if you want to bring out the sweet flavor or not! If you do you want to roast the squash and caramelize the sugars that are in it naturally. If not you need to boil it and keep it more true to It’s natural flavor. I prefer to roast my squash along with the other ingredients to enhance the flavor and give it more depth.

Carrots, Onion, Celery absolutes in soup ( unless you are allergic ) Known as “Mirepoix” this is the basic of all soups. I find I don’t make a soup without these three ingredients unless they are first asked to be avoided. Any squash soup is enhanced by green apples, nutmeg, mace or cinnamon. These give it that special winter feel! With these simple tips you should be able to make your own soup!

GET IN THE KITCHEN!

I can’t tell you how rewarding cooking can be, Even for yourself! Just do it and you wont be disappointed.

James

Today I want to dedicate my blog to the memory of my mother, She was an incredible woman! I will be doing this again in December on the anniversary of her passing, but for now I want to just say I miss her and feel I need her.

Cynthia Anne Krause was a good woman, and GREAT MOM! She Married Her high school sweetheart just after graduation, and had three beautiful children very quickly. We are only 18 months apart from each other! I am the youngest. My sister born in May, My brother was born in December the following year, I was born in April, two years later! She didn’t waste any time starting her family. They were young and in love! It didn’t work out in the long haul, she had to leave my father due to his drinking when I was only three ( I think ), and take us kids with her. She always made sure that our dad was in our lives though, and never had a bad word to say about him. Of course, We as children always wanted our parents to get back together, but we didn’t know why they had separated in the first place so it was meaningless. My Dad was a good provider, don’t get me wrong, He just partied to much! He was young, stupid, and an over drinker! He never cheated on my mother, He just stayed out to late with” the boys”! Leaving her home alone with us kids, not being a husband, or father, so she had to go!

I grew up going to visit Him and spending more time with His parents ( my Grandparents) , than him! We would be in town for two weeks and only see our Father for one day! We went twice a year! Still my mother never spoke a bad word about him! We did speak regularly, I don’t know who made the call, but We did speak to him on our birthdays. I will assume it was him that called, not my mother. I do know She did make some of them later in our lives though!

I just wanted to give a shout out to my mom today! As I said, I will be talking about her again in December, but I just had to let everyone know I loved her , and am missing her today! She was no cook though. We lived off of hamburger Helper for years, until I learned how to maneuver the stove! Which was soon, believe me! We still had to work with food stamps, and government cheese for a while! This is why I think I was her favorite, I learned a trade that helped her keep the family together! I feel It has benefited me as well.

Ilove you mom.

I wish you were here with me this season ( in the flesh), I KNOW YOU ARE IN MY SOUL!

I miss you and love you always…

Jimmy